It was a day before the exams when I got to know that someone close to me has, all along, been a closet Christian. It shook me really badly and I spent the day being a weepy bitch. Because

1. No one should be so oppressed such that they cannot openly announce their faith. 
2. I'm immensely disappointed in myself that I didn't read all the signs, I didn't piece up the clues that were right infront of my nose because I'm so self-absorbed. I should have been there when that someone chose to join the Christian fellowship to support, caution, and affirm. 

I would be heartbroken if that someone got sucked into religion because at that point of time that someone couldn't find anyone to relate to, because I was always present and that person chose not to thrash it out to me. The relationship plays a central role in my life and I'm disappointed that in my capacity as someone close, I did not pay enough attention and show my affection and support. After my thoughts cleared up abit I immediately texted a pious close friend in hopes that he can shed some light on this issue.

In our lowest times of trials and tribulations, we seek solace and fall back on the same people and/or things, perhaps out of habit. To me, this devotion which spans across and takes on so many forms (in religion, a soulmate close friend family etc, binge-eating) is very interesting because we never seem to get sick of it. Like, out of so many things that make us happy, why do we persistently recognise a particular something as our number one solace?

EXAMS ARE OVER! So many problems to work on and showing abit of affirmation to that someone in an attempt at self-redemption is on the top of my list. It would take an amazing amount of tact and circumspection but I am confident I can get my message across. Problems like these keep me down-to-earth and headstrong, and I am almost proud to welcome them with open arms.
No more hoping that things would just die down - like what people advised me - with passivity and incessant, nervous waiting. It is uncharacteristic of a proactive person that is yours truly. - HAIR FLIP - I take the bull by its horns.

I cannot wait for next semester, but meanwhile, I'm going to take pleasure in doing things I like.
N.B. I caught A Clockwork Orange play (OMG!) this month and I'll be doing a review soon when I'm less overwhelmed by all the things I can do with copious amount free time.

Sometimes when you realise that big, bad things are happening to close people around you, the 4 page essay you have been fretting over seems pathetic. The perturbation of today's mistakes and how you often fumble infront of people dwarf in comparison to the emotional baggage some people have no choice but to lug. Upon introspection, you admonish yourself for being so insulated from the bigger, badder things that can happen to you.

Big, bad stuff happen to people around me all the time, and like waves, the realisation that you're privileged hits you, then it ebbs as you continue to look for an axe to grind.

I have to remind myself that these minute fusses that constantly irk me are CHOICES I choose to take on. It's either I take a look on the brighter side of things, or don't even bother about them at all.

Unfortunate incidences put things into perspective - you don't know what can go wrong when they don't go wrong. Also, how wrong is wrong? Sure I have my share of long-running bad stuff of proportions greater than myself. Sometimes, these things compel me to sleep it off, and sometimes it keeps me awake at night. But sympathy tells me that problems other people are facing are probably worse than mine. I don't know if these people feel a commensurate amount of sadness towards their problems as I to mine, but if I were in their shoes I would probably feel like shit.

I think I need constantly remind myself how each of us probably has their own demon to fend against. I have mine; dormant, tame. I'm not too sure for other people's, but I hope that everyone is doing well.

OCD - Neil Hilborn

I shared this on my Facebook page a few days ago, from a random page off the net but the title was "Man with OCD Perfectly Describes What It's Like to Love Someone When You Have a Disorder", which sounds so stupid and it doesn't do the poem any justice, so here I am.

I came across this video on tumblr, I think, many months back, and I loved it so much! A few days ago I had a lecture on psychological disorders which probably prompted me to revisit it.

I am not a poem-reading person because I don't quite understand and appreciate the beauty of it, like how does chopping up a sentence into different lines make a paragraph anymore beautiful? Poe's poems (which are the only poems I've ever read lol - I think 'The Bells' is quite enjoyable) are really good, but sometimes I can't understand because of his archaic expressions. I know Roald Dahl has alot and they're really funny, but they're for kids. Then you have Lang Leav, whoever she is, whose poems annoy the shit out of me because all about it is heartbreak and love and I construe this image of her as this weeping, whiny, overly-emotional lady (I really cannot help it) and even the cover seems insanely pretentious I cannot take it.

Moving on, I guess poetry slams are different, because in a soliloquy there's abit more expression. And YESSSSS 'OCD' was delivered beautifully! It has beauty, sadness, quirkiness - all in one short recital.

I've been exploring other of his poems and this one is really funny

" Remember always the hipster creed: “Why be efficient when you could be inefficient?”

" Remember always the hipster ideal: if you base your life around your possessions, make sure they are bizarre, inconvenient, and obsolete, for then no one can accuse you of being shallow. "