I came across this quote:

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

by Neil Gaiman (whose books I've yet to try).

I guess when you let people make incursions you ought to expect them to leave one day. Expectation and excitement - they are traps, really. Because with a rise comes the fall. I don't think it's the fault of an emotion. How could it be?

Thankful that Keane's hiatus gave Tom Chaplin some creative time for his debut solo album, The Wave. His first released single is the above Hardened Heart, and I can't imagine any one else singing it because it's so distinctly Keane (or rather Tom Chaplin's vocals) -  dense, powerful voice which stretches well over climaxes without straining.

I remember proclaiming with absolute conviction how "Keane is my number 1 favourite band" for years, which is unsurprising, because their songs are so moving and too easy to sing along because of their moderate tempo. I played "Spiralling" from my Sony W595 phone back in 2008, and even suggested our math group to be called "Perfect Symmetry".

But it's a little hard for them to maintain their throne because alt-J ∆, with their indie layered tunes and superb book references, have been on my playlist for like a year. They are art.

 

A Midsummer's Equation, Bel-Ami & Birthday Stories

This book is Higashino's most recent English translation and upon finishing it I was quite sad that the next one (if there will be) will probably take some time to be published.  

Finally, a mystery whose plot brilliance matches up to The Devotion of Suspect X!!! I've watched its movie a few years ago (and also remembering very vividly how I was all alone and munching on a cheeseburger in the cinema) but that did not discount the surprising dark revelation of the novel!! 

Our favourite scientist cum sleuth, and this time round, a panelist in an undersea mining conference, Professor Yukawa solves a mystery surrounding the Kawahata family, whose adult daughter has a disproportionate and mysterious passion in preserving the sea at Hari Cove. Precipitated by the wrongful death of a retired top dog from the Tokyo Metropolitan Police, the novel delves into another murder of the past. For the main bulk of this amazing novel, multiple police forces from different precincts (which was very confusing for me) uncover the patchy history of the Kawahata family. But of course, they are too stupid to draw links, so here is where the erudite and hot professor steps in to solve the puzzle. 

It's another heart-wrenching novel because so many layers of lies, all of them with the purpose of protecting a loved one, led to a murder which could have been avoided. I remember a particular scene from the movie where I had to try really hard not to cry! 

Also, plus points for the book in which the child-allergic Professory Yukawa bonds with little Kyohei because that is SUGOI DESU! 

Overall, A Midsummer's Equation is fantastic, and Higashino continues to live up to his name!!!

I purchased this second-hand book from one of those frequent pop-up bazaars at the university. Upon seeing it, I knew I had to get it because both the author and title rings a bell. And it's only $2.90! I completed most of the novel between the rigmarole of the Buddhist funeral.

Our protagonist, Georges Duroy, or better known as the titular "Bel-ami" by all the girls he slept with, is like Adult Oliver Twist gone wrong (haven't touched a Dickens since because I am traumatised by its tediousness). Georges Duroy a poor french man living by the day develops craftiness and works his way up the journalism company by charming married women who can't resist his "curly moustache" (I don't know why Maupassant kept bringing that up, it must be a french thing in the late 1800s lol). By today's standards, he's the regular, f***boy that my mother warns me about.

I like the end of novel, which describes the total spiritual destruction of one of his "victims" - how the french aristocrat Madame Walter looks towards the "Jesus Walking on Water" painting, only to realise wow, Duroy does look like Jesus (curly moustache???), and how church has been ruined for her as she presides over Duroy's holy marriage with her daughter. 

It isn't a trashy novel - absolutely no raunchy, detailed sexy scenes. I feel that it must have reflected the bigotry of men that must be so common in those days. And also Maupassant's ideals, considering he was big on prostitutes and died of syphilis. 

Birthday Stories is an anthology by Murakami. It was so very aptly presented to me, after a handshake and before an odd pat on the head by a friend, on my birthday. 13 short stories, inclusive of "Birthday Girl" written by Murakami himself, constitutes this very dark and bleak book. 

My favourite short story was Forever Overhead by David Foster Wallace. I was spellbound by his beautifully artistic descriptions and was reading the story's analysis online in rapture that I literally WALKED INTO A VENDING MACHINE on my way to work. Will DEFINITELY be checking his works out. 

I mean, just check out how he describes puberty in the first 3 paragraphs before swiftly and beautifully leading you in to the main bulk of the story: here. When I read them I knew the story would be great!!! Go read it, it takes less than 30 minutes!!!

There are multiple symbolisms in the story which takes alot of time to think through (as with alot of short stories, I realise), but the beauty is that once you see it, it's like you've solved a puzzle. The bee and the coke, the sister's blindness in running about, the mechanical, one-way movement up and down the diving board etc. These are small little clues littered throughout the story that makes you appreciate the beauty of subtlety in story telling. 

Murakami's own "Birthday Girl" was enigmatic, very obscure and implicit. I don't fully understand it therefore I can't quite judge Murakami yet. 

I'm writing so much on books but I don't think anyone's interested in what I'm reading to even slow down and take in every word like how I read short stories. I don't even know if anyone checks this site out. In any case, my next read is Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury and I shan't be discourage from my hobby - I'm excited for this classic, must-read, dystopian novel. I'm definite that it'll be good!

I Can't Face My Feels When I'm With You

I love this!!!!!!!!! I saw the quote somewhere and it was so smart I had to do something with it!!!!

I can't wait for the coming weekends because I'll most probably start on volunteering in some place and another place!!!!!!

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest + More Than You Can Say

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey was absolutely BRILLIANT!!! One of the reasons I love this widely acclaimed novel is dear Chief Bromden, our native American narrator who acts deaf and dumb in the psychiatric ward presided by the abominable Nurse Ratched (exactly what her name suggests). Because of Bromden's regular hallucinations and his shaky mental state, his narration is unreliable and it leaves alot of room for imagination. Honestly at many points in the book I started wondering if Nurse Ratched were really as manipulative as the patients thought her to be, or was she just doing her job. Enter McMurphy, a jolly but hot-headed gambler. Disgusted by the patients' submission to Nurse Ratched, he arranged a coup through a series of flagrant disobedience (taking the boys out fishing, drinking, all with the participation of prostitutes). 

The central theme of oppression (Ratched) and ineffectual bureaucracy (the Doctor and the fat man whose name eludes me) is unmistakable. I've done abit of reading up on Ken Kesey's personal life before starting this book to have a better understanding of the circumstances in which the novel was written. Kesey's experience as a personnel in a psychiatric ward and the then-new Goffman's deinstitutionalisation approach towards psychiatry and psychology helped conceived this book. Kesey also became a hippie afterwards and that's cool too. 

For all these reasons, One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest is an amazing read and has become one of my favourite books!!! The plot was hopeful, happy, funny and poignant and the characters really grow on to you.  

*Cues Mad World by Tears for Fears*

I love this fishing scene where everyone was laughing!! This was the happiest moment in the book and I had so much feelz for this!!

More Than You Can Say by Paul Torday was a pretty underwhelming read. The whole underdog white male soldier saving an exotic and submissive Afghanistan girl (which French descent, no less), then  falls in love (SURPRISE!) with her bewitching beauty was super tiresome in the first half, so I was glad with how the story turned out. Throughout, I was thinking of the song Heroes by My Favourite Singer. 

I hated how the description at the back of this paperback suggested this book was about how the protangonist walked from Oxford to London (or something), but upon the first few chapters, the story immediately goes off tangent. 

I'm reading A Midsummer's Equation by Keigo Higashino now!!!! Very excited for this one too!!!!!! 

- Rant -

Hehehe my Friend Fries. They're so kawaii desu BUT THEY BE IN MY STOMACH NOW!!!! I bought them, upsized and complete with a meal, because I was rather annoyed with my lukewarm friend with his persistent personal feelings of inadequacy in the case of I WANT 2 GET GAL, BUT I SUX. It lingers in his mind be it in the state of sobriety or inebriation. Inadequacies, insecurities, and that human cocktail mix of anxious emotions are cool because everyone has them. It's also cool to release them as you imbibe and binge in the presence of supportive friends (I think that's ME). 

I have always known that he harbors these destructive inadequacies and at times, I dish out relationship advice (as if like I'm experienced and all, lol), along the lines of the usual "love yourself before you love others", confidence etc blah blah whatever logical stuff people say. I really want him to get over it because if these thoughts marinate and simmer too long in the head, they will take root and that's not healthy.

Inebriated, tongue tied and lovelorn, he began flooding the room with his damn tears asking for advice and I advised him with all the relationship wisdom I have accrued over my post-pubescent years. I no relationship but I have wisdom??? There was where the circularity of the argument began: "I WANT 2 GET GAL, BUT I SUX", "CONFIDENCE WERKZ", "CONFIDENCE 4 WHAT I SUX". It lasted for HOURS and even into his hangover of morning. I was so happy to be out and about in the park despite sleep deprivation and not having BATHED but even in his state of sobriety he was moping about and sighing and whining and tsk-ing so when he asked what to do, I replied very curtly and louder than necessary I'M NOT GONNA HELP YOU IF YOU DON'T HELP YOURSELF and silence ensued among the 4 of us and I felt bad for like a minute. I was pissed off because if you don't even HEED our advice or have the tenuous NOTION that YOU WANT TO CHANGE then may I ask what is the point of asking for it???? For the past 12 hours in a time I was supposed to have fun?

And really, as I tried to advise, with anecdotes of personal experience, during the dead of the night when I could have slept, it's not right to brush them off with a vague "BUT YOU ARE NX LEH, NXXXxxxx" while the other guailan, no where near drunk, choruses in "YA NX LEHHHHhhhhHHhh". There is no point in resisting lingering preconceived impressions. I literally quit and started using my phone to which they lamented "Don't kill off the mood". I tried sleeping but I can't, because dude starts throwing his phone and spectacles like a giant baby.

I need a break from this group of people. I like them, they're my better friends in a bunch of people I am not well acquainted with and I will still render help especially to mister Unrequited Love, but I think I deserve better and I will seek to form new friendships. I'm so glad that my close friends are positive people, people whose locus of control lie within. BYEEEeeeEEeeEEe

Suggestive Burger

My third illustration!!!!!!!! I'm so happy with my new found hobby and I can't wait to share more illustrations. This was inspired by today's craving for McSpicy hehehe and a keychain given by a friend.

After One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, I started on More Than You Can Say by Paul Torday and it is rather underwhelming.

Journey Under the Midnight Sun wasn't a disappointment, but neither an accomplishment from the great Keigo Higashino. It was indeed a complex mystery novel, as promised by its reviews, reflective of Higashino's literary plot brilliance, but it fell short in stringing individual narratives into one epic mystery. In this book, I felt there were too many loose ends. If Higashino desired to have his readers piece together 20 over years worth of narratives and plot development into some first-hand, reader engaging detective work (since the mystery isn't technically solved by our non-hero Detective Sasagaki), the sheer magnitude and detail of these accounts is off putting and redundant. The attempt at leaving the story to the reader's imagination is disappointing, but of course, the convoluted mystery surrounding 2 children and their path of development compensates. 4/5. 

Discontent and its Civilizations started strong. It was intimate, compelling and persuasive in its call to rethink what civilization means under the forces of globalisation. Is Hamid a Westernised-Pakistani, or an Islamised-American? Or does that even matter? I liked how this short collection of essays are structured: first about his life, second, art and lastly, politics. The first two sections were promising - anecdotal style, Hamid looks back, reflects on his life and draws link to the current state of Pakistan and his lifestyle. I like the second section especially, where he contends art and politics are inextricably intertwined, drawing from his own experience in Lahore as a child, and in America as a literature student. Sadly, it gets abit too dry and opinionated in the third section of politics. Perhaps it was because of the stark dissociation from his personal life in the later essays, or all the big, confusing talk on politics which I do not have sufficient interest in. 3/5. 

My current read! I'm about 40% through One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest and I'm excited for this one. If it keeps up, it might just make it into one of my favourite books! I'm so happy to have come across this book; I get so absorbed in it.

I haven't been writing much. The holidays give me too much time to do too much introspection, which, I feel, does more harm than good. In spirit of this time-endorsed metacognition, I've analysed abit of my journal writings to find an unsettling shift towards abstraction-based ramblings, from my original intention of recording what I did for the day. It kills me to experience unpleasant emotions now from my past entries, and seeing how unpleasantness had snowballed into a change in writing is terrifying. I don't think this departure is right, or healthy, so I'm not too keen on writing now.
I haven't been updating or reviewing much all these while too. In all honesty, the original intention of this update was to inform everyone, or rather, anyone out there my dispirit in writing/reviewing/anything, but now I end up sharp as heck at 1 AM. I often vacillate between putting all my thoughts into words, and not writing at all. I end up neither here nor there: putting private thoughts into the vaguest terms, in hopes of the cathartic effect of writing while maintaining confidentiality. It gets tiring deciding what is good for me - to write or not.

Therefore I hope to meet more people!!!!!! Instead of unduly soul-searching which confuses me with myself, interacting with people, though tiring it'll be, keeps me grounded! In this lull period, I met

1.  J, who is recovering from teenage-onset schizophrenia. He was interested in whatever I am doing in university, and asked for my ambition, to which I issued a feeble, all-too-familiar: "I DON'T KNOW, I AM NOT TOO SURE YET, BECAUSE MY DEGREE ALLOWS ME TO DO MANY THINGS, SO I AM TAKING THE TIME TO EXPLORE, I DON'T KNOW". While on the other hand, to my reciprocal question he answered without hesitation "Peer Support Specialist", and the best I could muster was yet another feeble "Oh wow that's great!" which was sorely unreflective of my deep admiration.

2. N, who geeked out over his recent business analytics competition, explaining to me in great detail his entry with palpable passion. I tried sharing what I study, but it came out all garbled and vague. He wants to create something helpful for the community. 

Meeting people driven by passion makes me feel like a complete loser, but they make me happy because they're so admirable and worth emulating. I think I'll take a break from revealing anything personal and substantial, such as this reflection, and channel all updating and writing into reviewing books. I hope to meet more people!!

Lucky Jim + Murder on the Orient Express

It took me awhile to complete Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amis due to finals. I got this for like $4 from Times warehouse book sale, and considering that it's "regarded by many the finest, and funniest, comic novel of the twentieth century" (Goodreads), it's probably quite a good deal. 

For this book made me smile and chuckle and all on the MRT!!! It might be its quintessential English comic precision (like what other reviews have claimed; I am unsure of what exactly constitutes English), or perhaps, plainly, its expressions are really quite hilarious. 

This book is a satire about the bourgeois in post-war English society. I don't know anything about the English bourgeois, much less in the previous century lol so I just read it with an open mind. I felt that the book kinda lost its essence due to my ignorance of English archetype. Unless you're talking about how ridiculously polite the English are; I mean it can't be any more obvious through the dialogues in the book. Or hypocritically polite, very much demonstrated by Dixon making faces and pranking behind other people's backs.

In the book, Jim Dixon is just an impossibly jaded young professor sick of playing up to Department head Welch. Tea parties, art retreats hosted at the latter's house are obligations to Dixon as he has to impress upon Welch to secure tenure in the university. 

Love the expressions! It makes imagining the scene more comical and funnier.

"He read it through, thinking how admirably consistent were the style and orthography. Both derived, in large part, from essays of some of his less proficient pupils." 

and 

"Finally he stuck a stamp on, slobbering on it for further verisimilitude"

"Some infantile fa-la-la-la stuff" lol

Welch's son is an up and coming artist (probably the embodiment of aristocracy in this satire) and the middle-class Dixon hates his guts and ends up trading his own plain, boring girlfriend for Welch's son's impeccable girlfriend, which meant alot of catfights between the 4 people involved. 

I love how Amis wrote with very mean undertones throughout the book and this defined Dixon and his outlook on the people around him, and generally made the book really funny: 

"The only thought that presented itself to him at all clearly was one of mild surprise that the fictional or cinematic treatment of hysterics should be based so firmly on what was evidently the right treatment."  (Refer to above photo, for context lol) 

Despite the hilarity of all the situations Dixon gets himself into, I felt the book got a little dreary and uninteresting. Still a good book 3.7/5. 

Another Christie opus that propounds my love-hate relationship with her mystery novels. Good plot, boring delivery. I must say the revelation in Murder on the Orient Express is really quite unexpected, but it didn't keep me on my toes like how a good mystery novel should because you can't just piece together transcripts of interrogations of X number of passengers in the train (can't bother to count, 9?) and expect me to stay excited. I thought it was like a Mrs Marple thing for her stories to be bland but no it seems that be it Poirot or Marple, I can't quite agree to her style of writing. 2.5/5, I'll need some time for this unsatisfying aftertaste to go away before starting on the The Murder of Roger Ackroyd which I have downloaded since Goodreads promised me of a shocking twist and I can't seem to learn my lesson.

So... THERE'S A NEWLY TRANSLATED HIGASHINO BOOK! I am so so so excited to be reading it!!!!!!!!!!!! My last Higashino was December 2014, you can read it here. I read from some random website that the sales of Journey Under the Midnight Sun actually surpassed that of The Devotion of Suspect X and Suspect X was - REALLY GOOD - BUT NO I need to suppress my expectations!!!!

I just googled for the above photo and by chance I discover that the translated A Midsummers' Equation (another book of his) will be published this year :'-) Yay another addition to the Detective Galileo series!!!! Caught the movie approximately 2 years ago and it made me cry because the plot is so so good but excruciating!!!!!!!! How exciting!!!!!!!!

I just need a physical copy of Naoko to complete my Higashino collection :-) I hope that Higashino catches on to the sudden "Contemporary Japanese Authors" fad (Murakami, Ruth Ozeki, Natsuo Kirino lol) and earns abit of deserving recognition (and MORE translated works dammit) for himself. I wanted to finish Journey Under the Midnight Sun and do a combined review with the above 2 books but NO, a Higashino book warrants a special post for itself.